This year has been perhaps the hardest year I've ever had. I've been struggling with things that I never expected to deal with in my life, besides the every day necessity of reigning my heart and thoughts. But no, I'm not here to complain about what I'm going through. I'm here to tell you the biggest thing I've learned. A lesson that I will carry with myself as long as I live.
It's so easy to get into the habit of moping, crying, not wanting to leave the house. I would know this better than anyone. It's still something that I struggle with daily, not wallowing in self pity. I've quickly learned--mostly from watching other people--that this is as bad, if not worse, than being cocky and arrogant.
God instructs us be humble, selfless. For years I have struggled with that. I still struggle with this, and I wonder how can it be possible to feel completely insecure and utterly prideful at the same time?
It's because I'm selfish. I'm totally and completely selfish. Even if I don't show it by thinking that I'm the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth, I show by thinking this: "I'm having such a worse day than you are, you should help me instead of me helping you."
But that is exactly what I have realized that helps. Putting other people's needs before mine. Helping when I don't feel like I want to. It's a daily struggle, but I'm trying. And it's giving me the courage to see that I'm not the only one who has bad days. I am so far from alone.
I used to hate this saying, but this year it has grown to be my motto. I love going outside in the spring and summer time. When it rains, I have one of two options. I can sit inside and wish I were outside, or I can go outside and play in the rain. Ran, sing, play, dance. It's the same with life. When bad things happen, there are two options. To sit inside and wish things were different, or despite what's happening, put a smile on your face and find the good points in it. I'm hoping that throughout my life I can enforce this over and over. Because why sit around when you can dance in the storm?
