Some Bad (or Good) News

Hi! So, long story short, I can't keep up with this blog. I have lost my passion for it, and God has called me in another direction. He wants me blogging at themovementofhope.wordpress.com . I'd love for you to check it out and maybe follow it! This blog will come down in a few days.

Love,
Natalie

So, what's going on?

Well, I haven't been the most active blogger lately. I'm sure as you read that it came to quite the shock! ;) Part of that has been because I've been busy. Homework, finals, my oh-so-busy social life (ha.ha.). The main reason though, has been I just don't know what to do. I feel like I can never come up with adequate ideas! But today I was writing (I've slacked off on that a bit too) and talking to some friends, and the cool thing is, this summer is actually going to be good. There will be tons of opportunities for me to meet new people, get closer to old friends, and serve God. In the process of my excitement, I decided what I would be doing on Reading, Writing, and Somewhat Profound thoughts this summer. It will change once school starts again, depending on if you like it or not. I'll have a poll or something in August so you can tell me what you think. Here's what the schedule will mostly look like:


Monday: This day's post will be short. It will consist of just a verse, a quote, some lyrics from a song, but no matter what it is, it will be focusing on God.



Wednesday: Wednesday will be hitting the "reading and writing" part of the blog. I'll post anything from a book review to an author interview to a sneak peak at what I'm writing.



Saturday: This day will be dedicated to bringing you along on the adventure that I'll be going on this summer. I'll be sharing pictures, stories, things that I learned, things that made me laugh, and just anything I think you might enjoy.




This will officially start up tomorrow with a "reading and writing" post. I hope to see you around!


What are your plans this summer? Is there anything you're really looking forward to? I'd love to hear about it in the comments.



(Link up: Adriana Lister is doing a similar thing this summer and we decided to link up together, so go check out her blog at notsoaverageramblings.wordpress.com)

Dancing in the Rain

 

This year has been perhaps the hardest year I've ever had. I've been struggling with things that I never expected to deal with in my life, besides the every day necessity of reigning my heart and thoughts. But no, I'm not here to complain about what I'm going through. I'm here to tell you the biggest thing I've learned. A lesson that I will carry with myself as long as I live.

 

 

 

It's so easy to get into the habit of moping, crying, not wanting to leave the house. I would know this better than anyone. It's still something that I struggle with daily, not wallowing in self pity. I've quickly learned--mostly from watching other people--that this is as bad, if not worse, than being cocky and arrogant.

 

 

 

 

God instructs us be humble, selfless. For years I have struggled with that. I still struggle with this, and I wonder how can it be possible to feel completely insecure and utterly prideful at the same time?

It's because I'm selfish. I'm totally and completely selfish. Even if I don't show it by thinking that I'm the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth, I show by thinking this: "I'm having such a worse day than you are, you should help me instead of me helping you."

But that is exactly what I have realized that helps. Putting other people's needs before mine. Helping when I don't feel like I want to. It's a daily struggle, but I'm trying. And it's giving me the courage to see that I'm not the only one who has bad days. I am so far from alone.



 





I used to hate this saying, but this year it has grown to be my motto. I love going outside in the spring and summer time. When it rains, I have one of two options. I can sit inside and wish I were outside, or I can go outside and play in the rain. Ran, sing, play, dance. It's the same with life. When bad things happen, there are two options. To sit inside and wish things were different, or despite what's happening, put a smile on your face and find the good points in it. I'm hoping that throughout my life I can enforce this over and over. Because why sit around when you can dance in the storm? 

Short Story and Brief Update

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in such a long time! With school, writing, and everything else, life can get busy! Next week is spring break and I'm hoping to do a few more posts then. So many things have happened since the last time I posted. I've learned so much about God and people and life. I was editing a few final details in my short story (formally the first chapter of Inseparable, but I decided it would just be a short story.), and I realized that I could show it to my followers. A few things may be tweaked later on, to give it more meaning, and I'll probably change the title, but for now I hope you enjoy it, even though it's a bit depressing.





                                                                    Inseparable
                                                                    By Natalie Noel Truitt

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Brandon Matthews was a good man," the preacher's dreary voice rang on in the cemetery. "Loved by his many friends and family."  

Tammy Matthews watched as a few men began to dig the hole in Arlington National Cemetery, the place where her husband would reside for all eternity.  

Everything in her wanted to run after the people and push them into the hole.  

A quiet arm was slipped around her shoulders, and she looked up to see her oldest sister Sierra, dressed in black, like everyone else. "How's it going, kiddo?" Sierra whispered quietly.  

Tammy leaned into her sister and choked back a sob. "He can't really be gone. He just can't be."  

Unspoken comfort passed between the sisters as Sierra rubbed her arm and Tammy leaned her head against her.  

Tammy wondered how the sun dare shine so brightly on such a sad day. How could it dare peak out on such a sad day? Had it really only been three months that they had been married? It had seemed like an eternity.  

 

 

 

 

 

"...Are you sure you want to marry a soldier, Tamara?" Brandon asked. He and Tammy were lying on top of a hill, watching clouds roll in.  

Tammy cuddled into the nook of his arm, growing tired. "I'm sure."  

Brandon shifted so that he could sit up and looked down at her. "You're okay with moving around the country and not seeing me half of the year?"  

Tammy looked him in the eye. "I won't like all of it. But you'll be worth it all." Tammy looked down at the finger that would one day hold the engagement ring she was ready to get. "...But you need to hurry up and ask."  

"Okay." Brandon smiled, and his eyes twinkled with some lovely form of happiness and amusement that had made Tammy fall in love with him in the first place. He shifted so that he was on one knee and smiled at her.  

Tammy sat up and grinned. "Go ahead."  

Brandon chuckled and pulled a simple looking box out of his pocket. "Tamara Nicole Carson, will you be my wife?"  

Tammy threw her arm around him. "Okay."  

He pulled her close and kissed her nose. "Good. Because I don't think I could live without you."  

 

 

 

For a brief moment Tammy thought that it had finally started raining, like it always did in the movies. Then she noticed that she had tears rolling down her face.  

Sierra squeezed her, and Tammy did her best to hold it together. But the undeniable want to be alone bit at her, and she tried to push the thoughts away, because she would run off, scaring Sierra--and her other eight siblings for that matter--half to death.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Leave me alone!" sixteen-year-old Tammy yelled as her best friend chased after her through the parking lot.  "Brandon, I need you to leave me alone. Please."  

Prom night had been a disaster and all that she wanted to do now was go home, climb up in the old tree house, and cry.  

Brandon continued chasing her to the car that she had borrowed from Sierra.   "Tammy, I want to help."  

Tammy turned around, tear streaks and mascara covering her face. "I don’t want to talk about it, okay? That was humiliating."  

The only comforting thought was that she would be moving again soon. With her dad being an evangelist, she knew that they would be staying here at the longest six more months. This was her first year at an actual high school, and the football star had asked her to go to the prom, only to end up with another girl.  

Brandon grabbed her elbow, gently holding her in place. "That guy was a jerk, okay? He's always been a jerk. You're not the first girl that's happened to."  

A sob built in Tammy's chest. "Who am I kidding, Brandon? I'm short, too thin, and my hair is the color of straw."  

Brandon shrugged. "So what?" Then his face turned red. "I-I think you're beautiful, Tammy."  

Tammy paused for a long moment, before looking at him. "...really?"  

Brandon nodded. "Really." He reached out and used the sleeve of the shirt he was wearing under his tux to wipe away the tears and mascara. "Tamara Nicole Carson, will you go to the prom with me?" He reached to grab her hand.  

Tammy allowed him to hold her hand, and nodded, sniffing. Suddenly she didn't want to move as much.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A sob shook Tammy's body and Sierra pulled her closer. Tammy looked at her and mumbled, "I can't do it."  

She broke away from her and ran, stopping a few yards away from the group, where she could still watch, without worrying about embarrassing herself in front of everyone.  

"And now we know that this man is in God's arms, forever to rejoice."  

Tammy looked up at the sky, the sun's rays mocking the day. "Why, God?" she whispered, her voice shaking. "Why did you let him die?"  

The unanswering brightness of the day caused her anger to grow. "How could you do this to me?" God of love, yeah right, Tammy thought, You must choose favorites.  




 

Brandon wrapped his arms around Tammy's tiny waist and held her for a long time. Tammy did her best to forget that they were standing in an airport that would mark the beginning of three months of separation.  

Tammy rest her head against him, listening to his heart beat.  

"I'm proud of you." Brandon tenderly kissed her forehead as she looked up at him.  

"Why would you be proud of me? I'm proud of you. My husband is in the army!"  

Brandon cupped her face, looking into her green eyes. "Tammy, being a military wife takes just as much courage. Are you going to be okay?"  

Tammy nodded, trying to fight back tears. "I'll miss you, but it's all worth it. Will you be okay?"  

"About the same." He pressed his lips hard against hers briefly before pulling back and looking at his watch. "The plane's leaving in ten minutes, with or without me. I'll call you tonight."  

Tammy could only nod. She didn’t trust her voice.  

After one more hug and kiss, Brandon turned around and walked into the crowd of people. After a few moments Tammy could no longer see the top of his camouflage cap.  

She turned and walked out of the airport, tears blurring her vision.  

Once she stepped out side the sticky humidity of bipolar Indiana bit at her skin. Tammy wiped at her eyes, then surveyed the parking lot, looking for whatever sibling had come to pick her up.  

She smiled when she saw van full of Carson children. She rolled her shoulders back and walked towards it. Army strong.  


 

 

Tammy bit her lip as she watched people walk around the "party". She wondered how it could even be called that.  

"My condolences, Tammy," an old family friend said as she walked by, her plate piled high with sweets.  

Tammy just nodded. She looked around and tried to decide if it would be rude to try to find an escape this early into the party.  

One of Brandon's military friends' wives, who she had only seen once before wrapped her in a hug. "I'm so sorry, sweetie."  

Tammy pulled back and offered a week smile. "Thank you."  

Tammy stepped into a back room, tired of a apologies and of the people who were trying to help. She sat on a couch and put her head in her hands.  



 

 

Two months into Brandon's deployment, Tammy's sister Jillian was in town from New York City, so she and two other sisters--Heather and Leah--came to stay with her for the weekend.  

Jillian's hair was died bright blond compared to the rest of the sister's dirty blond and she wore sunglasses on top of her head. Jillian had been carrying some white bag around for quite sometime now.  

"What is that?" fifteen-year-old Leah asked. She held a book in her lap, and Tammy knew that she'd rather be reading than at a sleepover with three of her older sisters.  

Jillian smirked. "My secret."  

"You have to tell us," seventeen-year-old Heather said.  

Jillian grinned and looked at Tammy. "Tam's gonna kill me."  

"What is it?" Tammy asked, genuinely curious. 

"We'll get it from her." Leah formed a fist and stood up from the couch. Tammy held a laugh back at how Leah had made her fist. She was the least unlikely of all of the Carsons to get into a fight.  

Heather grabbed Jillian's arms and pulled them behind her back. Jillian dropped the bag, not even trying to fight back.  

Leah scrambled to pick it up. She quickly reached into the bag and pulled out....pregnancy test strips.  

Leah's face turned as red as both Heather's and Tammy's. Jillian grinned and took the box away from a humiliated Leah. She then handed it to Tammy, who stared at it blankly.  

Jillian grinned. "Go read the instructions and do it. It's simple." After watching Tammy stare at it in silent horror for a few more seconds, she sighed. "Last time we talked you said you might be pregnant."  

Tammy's jaw dropped as she tried to process the situation.  

"It's okay," Jillian reassured with a smirk. "You're married, remember?"  

Tammy turned and walked into the bathroom. A couple of minutes later she checked the results.  

She grinned, shocked, horrified, and amazed all at once. She was pregnant.  




 

 

Tammy put a hand to her stomach and bit her lip to keep from crying. She had never gotten the chance to tell him.  

The door opened and Jillian stepped in. Her hair was up high in a bun and she wore a dress that only reached her mid-thighs, something that Tammy knew dad would not approve of. But then again, that's probably half of the reason that Jillian had done it.  

"How's it going?" Jillian asked, her voice soft. She sat next to Tammy on the couch and looked her over, as if she could read her thoughts that simply.  

Tammy plastered a smile to her face and looked Jillian in the eye. "It's going okay, Jill." Tammy held back a sigh. Army strong.