Your Not So Average "Hello My Name is..." Post

When I was younger I would have my parents write down the words that I would say, do some stick figure drawings, and those would be my books. Even at a young age I loved to write, but I grew up with listening to people moaning and saying, “Aww, I have to write!” So why should I like it? At five years old I had my mind set on one thing. I was going to be a singer.

“I don’t think I’m as shy as I used to be,” I said to my mom one day as she was working in the kitchen at our old house. The kitchen was so small that it was like stepping into fire every time that the stove was on. I could tell that my mom was listening, so I continued. “I think that I want to start singing for people.”

I had a church girl’s voice, soft and pretty, and if I would’ve decided to stick to singing in church (which I never did have enough guts to actually do) I might have been able to keep that voice.

But I took my soft voice and tried to change it to a voice that I never would be able to master. A voice that the world would want to listen to, not just a church congregation.

In fifth grade I slowly began to change. Some things were good. I learned that I loved to write. In other ways it was bad. I had no security of salvation whatsoever, and I was heading down the long path. I didn’t understand salvation. I didn’t understand why every time that I prayed a meaningless, desperate prayer nothing changed.

 By the time that fifth grade was over I had tried to write a couple of books, and I was slowly settling into the life of insecurity I was living. Maybe that’s just how things would work. And…if that’s how it was going to be, what could I do to change it?

So I lived my life. I wrote, I read, I played volleyball, and I continued to pray desperate, meaningless prayers.

Wouldn’t you think that the big change happened in my life when I switched from public school to a private Baptist school? Well no. It was three years after that, this year to be exact. Things kept on coming up where I had to think about my life. “Natalie, would you like to get baptized?” I wasn’t sure if I was a Christian. “Natalie, could you please write out your testimony?” Well…if I can figure out if I’m saved or not….

                Somewhere amidst all of the confusion, a thought hit me right in the face, and I realized why my prayers were meaningless and why they hadn’t saved me. Because they were WORDS. It was all about my heart, kneeling before my Savior and Lord, and asking him to save me from everything that I deserve.

            And now I have assurance of salvation. I have security in the fact that Jesus will never leave me nor forsake me.

            And guess what? Now I have the ability to be happy, because I’m myself, and because Jesus is my God and my heart I have a meaning.

            Will trials still come? Of course.

            But with God by my side, I have nothing to fear.